Time and time again, we have learned the importance of doing our research and challenging the professionals. On one hand, you have to do your best to choose doctors – and others – who deserve your trust. Still, the Russian phrase Ronald Regan loved to use comes to mind: "Trust but verify."

Good, skilled, well-meaning people make mistakes. Busy, pressured people make more mistakes. In the end, your loved one is the person who will bear the burden if a mistake does harm. So, it's vital to know what the professionals plan to do, what they should be doing, and what they are doing. The only way I know to do that is to independently research the disease and the treatments. Then, to stay with the patient at all times, vigilantly watching. I've been able to do this every place except operating and X-ray rooms. I ask a lot of questions all of the time. And challenge when things don't add up.

I've found the Internet to be a vital tool in doing this research. While there is lots of information out there, one of the most valuable sources for me has been the cancer discussion groups on America Online. There, I've been able to share information with other people who have exactly the same condition, and are further down the road than we are.