Doctors are people. We can't forget that. And we can't let them forget that. We don't keep doctors who try to hide themselves behind a shield of professionalism.

We make a real effort to assure ourselves that the doctors we choose are competent, but that is not so easy to do up front. As time passes it usually becomes evident, though. Because I spent years as a management consultant, I take a special interest in the organizations and the systems that surround our doctors. Key warning signs are support personnel consistently making mistakes, or when they are clearly afraid of the doctor. If that happens, it's time to find a new doctor.

In both my experiences as a Caregiver, these qualities have been at the top of the list for keeping a doctor. S/he must care personally about my wife; s/he must take the time to learn who this person is, and s/he must remember important things about our family. S/he must tell the truth, and not withhold important facts or opinions from us. S/he must solicit and answer questions: fully and honestly. S/he must care about our opinions and involve us in plans for treatment. S/he must be able to fully explain what s/he plans to do and why. S/he must be accessible to us when needed.

Since doctors are people, too, they have to take time off. We understand that sometimes we must talk with other associates, but we get worried when those associates have no access to information about this case and seem to be winging it.